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Hi, micies. Long time, no blog! We've made our move to the East Coast, though, and have (mostly) unpacked all of our stuff. Apart from a strong urge to scrap it all and become some kind of monk--holy crap, we have a lot of crap--we're happy and settled.
Which means it's time to really deal with something that has been bothering me for about a year, and is also a hot topic round the blogosphere: name changing. Or not-changing. If you'll recall, I did a big post about this awhile ago, in which I shared my decision to change my name. What I did was drop my given middle name, and take his last name as an additional last name. The change was meant to be legal and social, and I always intended to keep my name professionally (it would cost me about ten years of hard work to change my name professionally).
To recap, my big reason for wanting to change my name was that I wanted to have the same last name as my children. In the beginning, He-Mouse didn't really mind about this one way or the other. He would never call me "Mrs. Hislast," even in a teasing or romantic way. He likes that I took his name, but it was never a priority for him. And because I'm a feminist, we did have a discussion about him taking part of my name--but he decided not to. For these reasons, I really do feel that it's a decision that I, rather than we, need to make.
So I started out:
Mouse Middle Mylast
And became:
Mouse Mylast Hislast,
in which both Mylast and Hislast are last names, with no hyphen.
However, I hit several big hurdle with this right away.
1) First of all, the grand bureaucracy is unbelievably confused by the idea of two last names with no hyphen. I can't tell you how many times I've had this conversation:
Me: Hello, my account is under Mouse Mylast Hislast.
Them: I can't find it. What did you say your last name is?
Me: Mylast Hislast.
Them: Okay, but is it under Mylast or Hislast?
Me: It's both. I have two last names.
Them: So it should be under Mylast-HYPHEN-Hislast. I'll fix that.
Me: No, it's not hyphenated.
Them: Whaaa...?
Me: I HAVE TWO LAST NAMES WITH NO HYPHEN.
Them: Oh. I'll just file it under Hislast.
Me: (Blind rage.)
2) Second, I've been having an overwhelming emotional reaction to seeing my name changed. I do not like getting mail addressed to Mouse Hislast (because, again, people can't handle two last names, my given name is what gets erased). I don't mind Hislast Family--that's actually kind of sweet--but I actually broke down and cried when I got Mouse Mylast Hislast credit cards. What is wrong with me? I thought. I looked into changing it back, which, in either Illinois or New Jersey, costs $300 and involves going to court. Then I figured that's a lot of money, and whatever, I'll just wait and see if the feeling passes. Maybe it's just adjusting.
3) Third, it turns out that I cannot keep my professional name, having changed my name legally. ID cards, library cards, my paycheck, my work-related travel arrangements: I've discovered that all of these will say Mouse Mylast Hislast, even if I ask them to be listed as Mouse Mylast. This means that official emails might have to have Hislast in them. I called around to see if there's a way I can do business as Mouse Mylast--it is, after all, a professional identity in which I've invested a lot of time and money. And there is a way. It's called taking an assumed or fictitious name.
Well, that about did it for me, micies. An assumed or ficticious name? Balderdash. That's my NAME. So I'm doing it. I'm filing the papers and going to court and shelling out $300 to get my name back. And I think I have a good solution. I will be:
Mouse Hislast Mylast.
This leaves me with my professional identity intact, but still makes space for a shared name with my husband and future children.
What do you think?
Clik here to view.
Hi, micies. Long time, no blog! We've made our move to the East Coast, though, and have (mostly) unpacked all of our stuff. Apart from a strong urge to scrap it all and become some kind of monk--holy crap, we have a lot of crap--we're happy and settled.Which means it's time to really deal with something that has been bothering me for about a year, and is also a hot topic round the blogosphere: name changing. Or not-changing. If you'll recall, I did a big post about this awhile ago, in which I shared my decision to change my name. What I did was drop my given middle name, and take his last name as an additional last name. The change was meant to be legal and social, and I always intended to keep my name professionally (it would cost me about ten years of hard work to change my name professionally).
To recap, my big reason for wanting to change my name was that I wanted to have the same last name as my children. In the beginning, He-Mouse didn't really mind about this one way or the other. He would never call me "Mrs. Hislast," even in a teasing or romantic way. He likes that I took his name, but it was never a priority for him. And because I'm a feminist, we did have a discussion about him taking part of my name--but he decided not to. For these reasons, I really do feel that it's a decision that I, rather than we, need to make.
So I started out:
Mouse Middle Mylast
And became:
Mouse Mylast Hislast,
in which both Mylast and Hislast are last names, with no hyphen.
However, I hit several big hurdle with this right away.
1) First of all, the grand bureaucracy is unbelievably confused by the idea of two last names with no hyphen. I can't tell you how many times I've had this conversation:
Me: Hello, my account is under Mouse Mylast Hislast.
Them: I can't find it. What did you say your last name is?
Me: Mylast Hislast.
Them: Okay, but is it under Mylast or Hislast?
Me: It's both. I have two last names.
Them: So it should be under Mylast-HYPHEN-Hislast. I'll fix that.
Me: No, it's not hyphenated.
Them: Whaaa...?
Me: I HAVE TWO LAST NAMES WITH NO HYPHEN.
Them: Oh. I'll just file it under Hislast.
Me: (Blind rage.)
2) Second, I've been having an overwhelming emotional reaction to seeing my name changed. I do not like getting mail addressed to Mouse Hislast (because, again, people can't handle two last names, my given name is what gets erased). I don't mind Hislast Family--that's actually kind of sweet--but I actually broke down and cried when I got Mouse Mylast Hislast credit cards. What is wrong with me? I thought. I looked into changing it back, which, in either Illinois or New Jersey, costs $300 and involves going to court. Then I figured that's a lot of money, and whatever, I'll just wait and see if the feeling passes. Maybe it's just adjusting.
3) Third, it turns out that I cannot keep my professional name, having changed my name legally. ID cards, library cards, my paycheck, my work-related travel arrangements: I've discovered that all of these will say Mouse Mylast Hislast, even if I ask them to be listed as Mouse Mylast. This means that official emails might have to have Hislast in them. I called around to see if there's a way I can do business as Mouse Mylast--it is, after all, a professional identity in which I've invested a lot of time and money. And there is a way. It's called taking an assumed or fictitious name.
Well, that about did it for me, micies. An assumed or ficticious name? Balderdash. That's my NAME. So I'm doing it. I'm filing the papers and going to court and shelling out $300 to get my name back. And I think I have a good solution. I will be:
Mouse Hislast Mylast.
This leaves me with my professional identity intact, but still makes space for a shared name with my husband and future children.
What do you think?